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Meet Jon.  Meet his dog Pilot.  Jon’s a filmmaker. He grew up in Washington D.C.  He lives there today.  He knows all the best insider places in D.C.

Pilot’s a therapy animal.  He never barks and he likes to be petted.

Jon and Pilot live in this swish neighborhood of Washington D.C.  It is near all the coolest restaurants and tourist sites. If you were Jon’s friend you would want to stay with him because he would tell you all the best places to eat and visit.

He would tell you to go to “Paul”, a beloved Paris bakery and cafe that recently opened its first US location, just a short walk from Jon’s apartment.

The “Paul” cafe has delicious coffee.  You can sip it while sitting outside.  You can sit  in comfortable French-y chairs, next to these  fountains and be right across from the National Archives.  And if you didn’t eat it too fast to perhaps take a photo, you could savor your memory of a delicious French Apple Turnover.

See this couch.   It also belongs to Jon.  Pilot likes to sleep there sometimes.  If you were Jon’s friend you would be delighted to sleep there.  Jon’s a gracious low-key host.  You’d be so happy to have the chance to sleep in his studio.

Lots of people like to visit D.C.  They see the sights.  They go on school field trips.  They learn some history.  They see cherry blossoms.  They might even be there for business meetings.  People look forward to these trips.  They plan ahead.  They book nice hotels.

Or sometimes they do not plan ahead.  And they have nowhere to stay.  They find bad expensive hotel rooms on offer in terrible locations.   Sometimes they can afford to pay crazy prices to get the last room in town.  But sometimes they cannot do that.  And they just wish they had a friend like Jon who lives right next to the Metro stop, only two stops from the train station.

But they don’t know Jon.  They panic.  Then they remember to check that newfangled site AirBnB.  They find their new “friend” Jon.  They read happy reviews from strangers who stayed with Jon.  The strangers write that Jon’s couch is comfortable and Jon is nice.  The strangers say they happily paid $90 to stay in Jon’s studio apartment and sleep on his couch.

And that’s what I did. And I liked it.

I slept just fine.  The eye mask from Jon helped.  It created a semblance of privacy even as he and Pilot slept mere steps away. And the Sugar Daddy made me laugh.

Free bonus: I even got to take Pilot on a nighttime walk to keep me safe.

My son, calling on the phone, during my walk with Pilot:  “What?  You are in D.C?  You are walking some stranger’s dog?  You are sleeping in the same room as some guy you don’t know?”

Me:  “Yes dear.  And I would do it again.”

I did it.  I really made a project I saw on Pinterest.  Yes, I’ve visited a restaurant I pinned (Fatty Crab in NYC–a delicious success), And I’ve made lots of slow-cooker recipes I first saw on Pinterest.  But I finally completed a complex Pinterest project.  It’s a kind of a “Purple Allium” sculpture I saw a couple months ago.  This feels like a Pinterest usage beach-head.

Here is the original pin.

I was hankering to re-create the pin on the right, from a French garden pinned by a guy in London.

Here is what I did this weekend.

I had written to the original pinner to ask for help with re-creating the cool faux Allium sculptures.  But he had only taken the photo in France.  He had had no knowledge of the project and could offer no pointers.  I asked my pinpals for help and got some useful suggestions from D.L. Wilson and Danielle Chapdelaine.

After seeing a couple of my botched attempts to make flower-like globes out of chicken wire (can you spell KINDERGARTEN FAIL?), my son casually whipped out a perfectly round wire sphere while watching some random episode of CSI.

I was then off and running and made 11 purple globes to put in a rather dull spot of my garden.  I like their ethereal and “what the heck is that?” quality.  I am waiting for the suburban neighbor reaction to this new front yard installation.  Fun!  Thank you Pinterest.

Over the last three months I organized a lot of overdue home interior fix-ups.  Nothing truly major, yet this series of projects has had a surprising mood-lifting effect on me.  I used to come home every night to confront “death by a thousand cuts.”  No, not emotional trauma.  I was much more tortured by cracked bathroom tiles, and ice-damaged ceilings, and countless scuffs on our walls.  Now I come home to crisp, freshly-maintained rooms (as long as I ignore the day to day mess).  I can breathe!   But my husband is continually surprised at how openly happy I am about this work.  I mention it a lot. Like almost every night. And he must be thinking…”if I only knew the difference a gallon of paint could make.”

I suspect that these home improvements stimulate the production of the natural “contentment” chemical substance–oxytocin–for me. There is something about taking good care of my house (and my family by extension) that is mood-enhancing.  And I believe that the enormous numbers of women who report the calming, mood-lifting effect of Pinterest to be experiencing some version of the same oxytocin effect.

Why?  Take a look at a tiny snippet of my “Gardening” board on Pinterest, below, and an amateur deconstruction of my oxytocin theory, which depends on three key components of oxytocin production:  generosity, trust, and optimism:

Generosity: sharing a project doubles its pleasure.  In the first two photos I am pinning my spring garden.  Coincidentally, I do almost all my gardening in my front yard because I enjoy sharing it.  I am away from home most of the week and I like the notion that people are passing by appreciating it in my absence.  I feel generous and oddly connected to strangers, which is a documented oxytocin benefit. But now Pinterest enables me to share my garden with, literally, anyone with an internet connection, in a context that makes more sense than, say, Flickr, Facebook, or Instagram.   And I get a slice of that same enjoyment in looking at garden pins from other people.

Trust: Pinterest enables people to help each other.  In the third pin above, (the purple balls) I am sharing a photo of a garden sculpture I want to make.  I am having a little trouble copying what I found in this French garden, so I pinned the photo and asked for suggestions.  According to the neuroeconomist and TED talk-giver Paul J. Zak, I just produced an oxytocin moment for the people who follow me on Pinterest.  Apparently, one of the central ways to stimulate oxytocin is to give a sign of trust to another person.  Zak is publishing a book about it called The Trust Molecule.  It’s very low-demand, but putting this project up and asking for help enables other people to have that feeling of being trusted.  Odds are, I will follow their advice and probably even report back.  According to Zak, the mere act of sharing trust is a tiny step to creating a more stable society.

Pinterest is entirely optimistic.  Pinboards roughly divide into two categories.  One is “here is who I am.”  (Or at least the parts I am proud of, like my garden.)  The second is “here is who I am going to be.”  This second category is very interesting.  It is optimistic and future-facing. Pinning is like losing weight, cooking fabulous food, dressing beautifully, travelling to exotic places, and displaying great taste…with none of the actual effort.  This is who I will BE, and no one can argue with that.  In my case, I created an “Easter Projects” board full of the charming and obsessive things I would make IF I had time.  I am telling the world:

I am really am like THIS person, even though I don’t, um, actually have that life right now. But I would if I could, and I will some day.

And oddly, the mere act of pinning these projects, knowing full well I would never make them, gave me half the satisfaction of actually doing them.  And as proof (to myself) that these boards can someday be my reality, I used my “Need a new haircut” pinboard  to actually figure out a new hairdo. I made this board to show my hairdresser what I wanted, and to solicit input from a couple friends on my finalist choices.  So Pinterest can be concretely useful to organizing a project, which contributes to my optimism about the much more unrealistic boards I create.  (But for the life of me, I have no idea why 333 people decided to follow my haircut board.)

It’s a pretty rare and special thing for a bunch of pixels on a website to provide a consistently pleasant and personal experience.  The “oxytocin effect” of Pinterest is not dependent on delivering great new pins every day, or dumb humor, or exceptional stories.  I can look at my home page, find nothing of interest, but still wander over to fuss with  my own boards and feel…content.  I am tending my future.  (I have boards for trips I am actually planning, and trips I will never take.  Boards for house projects I am doing and houses I will never own. Boards for business ideas, meals, parties, inspirational people, gifts. Basically anything that I can capture online, visually, that I want to remember.)   And I probably spend a maximum of ten minutes a day on the site, so it is not as though it takes a lot of work.

Pinterest is the site that gives and does not take.  Clearly, being the fastest growing site in history, Pinterest is playing with more than pins and pixels.

The crying shame of business travel is this: you go to cool places where you can spend entire days and see nothing but conference rooms.   Never fear.  At least in New York I have an easy 45 minute fix for curing the “cultural zero” blues. It’s the Museum of Arts and Design.  Here are its virtues:

  • FAST. You can fly through the entire place in 45 minutes if you want.  Or take the same amount of time to really see two or three exhibits.
  • FRESH.  Only one of the five small exhibit floors is dedicated to the permanent collection.  So it is always fresh.
  • FUN.  The emphasis is on craft and the combination of interesting materials, techniques and often slightly bizarre themes makes it highly stimulating.  And it doesn’t make you feel like an ignoramous if you don’t know your Manet from your Monet.

It’s right at the bottom of Central Park on Columbus Circle so you practically trip on it during many New York sojourns.  Give it a try!  Visiting this tiny gem of a museum makes me feel 100% better about a kamikaze New York trip.  It’s a place that gives and does not take.

Here’s what I took in yesterday with a cool 45 minutes between appointments:

This artist actually burned a whole bunch of books that had special meaning to him and then permanently captured the ashes in blown glass. Challenging!

This artist took layers of soil and substrata from each of the New York burroughs and arranged them in this grid, as part of an archeological project.

This artist darkened the inside of ordinary bottles with smoke and then painstakingly removed the soot to create complex images.

Quilt made of human hair and dryer lint

From the permanent jewelry collection: a meticulously crafted "train" necklace. Each box is only about two inches long.

Glass bubble necklace

Folded and chain mailed Zulu love letters

Pig intestine necklace

The Ladies of Ellenville NY Cake Club. A necklace made from glass, found objects and photos. This is the one I covet.

A final insider tip.  If you are REALLY pressed for time, just duck into the museum shop right off the lobby.  It’s a total visual treat and you can score terrific gifts there, even for kids.

Most of our family travel these days is about checking out colleges.  We just extended a Tulane University visit into a whole weekend so we could catch the New Orleans vibe.  This was our first visit to the Big Easy and it was pretty obvious that the NOLA populace loves its food, its festivals, and anything (or anyone) eccentric.   I will spare you the tourist board coverage, and just show you the odder sights.

Our first night out, we saw people being served a restaurant meal in the back of a pickup truck. This is at Jacques-Imo's.

Understandably, Hurricane Katrina is a backdrop to much of New Orleans today. The central touristed areas were not flooded, but you are often reminded of its impact on the whole population as you travel. This is a sign in a restaurant, The Ruby Slipper. Tourist tip: if you want to get a quick read on someone in NOLA, ask them what they took with them when they evacuated. Our cab driver's answer: "My computer and my official Batman costume." Well, OK then. Costumes are VERY important in New Orleans.

Back to the Wizard of Oz atmosphere, I myself said, "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" when I ordered cinnamon pancakes at The Ruby Slipper and they arrived looking like a Dunkin' Donuts Easter special. They actually tasted pretty good.

Locals favor this weekend's French Quarter Festival.. It has 22 stages of free live music and endless food from local restaurants. In a brilliant stroke of marketing genius, Tums had women handing out a new form of antacid every 50 feet or so. See the next few photos to understand perfect fit for introducing this product at the Fest.

Fried varieties of fish, crayfish, and oysters.

This innocent looking pile of crayfish just about burned my mouth off. This pound of pure crustacean ($6) was amateur though. I saw people gnawing on entire turkey legs, fresh off the BBQ.

With hot sauce choices like these, the Tums marketing effort made more and more sense.

I told these two women I needed to take a photo of them because they were making me laugh by carrying BOTH coffee AND the local Abita beer at 10AM. Their response, “Welcome to New Orleans baby!”

Speaking of “baby”, this woman at the Crescent City Farmer’s Market called me baby about 10 times. I hadn’t yet realized it was a common way to address a stranger, so I asked to take her picture, on the theory she was my new best friend. Only later, and many “babies” later, did I realize it was pretty much the same as saying “dude” or “ma’am.”

I’m not sure what these two wild women were drinking first thing in the morning, but it fueled their confidence to strip topless and change shirts in broad daylight. At the very public, central French Quarter Festival merchandise stand. I am shocked I got this photo because my embarrassed son was aggressively tackling me to block my shot. He was more mortified by my behavior than by theirs. Teenagers.

But I guess the Festival spirit caught my son too. What started as a fun photographic game to change New Orleans street signs into family names.........

......devolved into a “find the rude word” in the street sign game.

Speaking of signs, and street art, I liked the way that exiting patrons of the Ogden Museum of Southern Art turned public fixtures into colorful collages. Not sure this would happen in Boston.

People seem to leave a trace of themselves all over New Orleans. Touring the Lafayette Cemetery, we learned how VooDoo rituals combine with Catholic burial traditions. In this case, on the tomb for “The Society for Destitute Orphan Boys” people leave Mardi Gras beads, toys, food, and coins to keep the boys entertained in the afterlife.

They do the same for Mary, apparently.

Further on the cemetery tour, we learned that plant is called Resurrection Fern. Pretty, right? Until you learn it’s a botanical species that only grows on human remains. It is creepily poking out everywhere in those New Orleans cemeteries.

It’s a blast to tour the year-round backroom studios of the enormous Blaine Kern workshops, where they start building the next year’s floats the minute Mardi Gras ends. But this scary "doll" sporting a weird pacifier and acne could not be explained by our tour guide. It must have inspired many a nightmare as this giant water head lumbered slowly down the parade route.

I didn’t ask about the excellent Ronald Reagan prop. Some jokester craftsman made his own statement about the ex-President by adding those hypnotic “charmer” glasses.

The biggest charm of New Orleans is its relaxed sense of humor. You see it everywhere. Here, 0n the front of a shoe repair shop.

On a gentle pan-handler's sign.

On the sign in a coffee shop.

Speaking of story-telling and humor-- Don, a volunteer at the National WWII Museum was a master yarn-spinner. He’s a vet standing in front of the Higgins boat he piloted for 2.5 years in the Philippines. (Who knew that these boats, built in New Orleans, comprised 92% of the US Navy fleet. This is why Dwight Eisenhower credited their creator, Andrew J. Higgins, with winning the war.) Don told me the only reason he survived all those perilous boat runs under heavy fire, was that his head is so hard that the “Japs” didn’t want to waste their ammunition by shooting at him.

This looks like an ordinary lunch counter. It’s not. It’s at a foodie paradise called “Butcher.” Taking home one of those “Grandma’s Chocolate Cakes” will set you back $45! But you might also get the offer of a free shot of whiskey to go with that root beer, as I witnessed. There’s a lot of that “giving a little extra” custom in New Orleans. They even have a special name for it: "lagniappe"

I come from a hat-wearing city: Detroit. New Orleans had a number of booming hat shops. The most prominent “everyday” style on the streets was this one--for both men and women. They even had shelves full of them right here, in Walgreens.

Going along with those hats were some pretty cool shoes. These were on the doormen of our hotel. They told me they get a new uniform every six months and they never know what it will be. Right now it’s these hip Doc Martens (Alfred, $140), paired with striped seersucker shorts and long sleeve white polo shirts.

The colleges we visit tend to leave us with one unique and lasting image. With Northwestern it was Lake Michigan. At Columbia, it was the grim faces of the students—to our son's dismay. For Tulane, the image that stands out is this. The weather is soooo easy to take and this setting (not the potential student slackers) will last for us.

But in case my son wants to be a slacker, with this choice of literature, he should fit right in with the Tulane pool-side crowd.

Today’s press is a travel mishaps piece by Joan Raymond in the Business section of the New York Times See the full article here, and screen shot of it below.   Joan wrote it, so I can say it is pretty funny.  The stories, sadly, are all mine, and all true!

I am also thrilled for a bunch of great Grommets to get terrific coverage in Better Homes & Garden‘s May issue.  This is the second biggest magazine in the US and Jody Garlock did a fine reporting job.  It is also an treat to be featured in this “innovators” article next to the founder of Pinterest, Ben Silbermann.  (Alas this is not online, so you either have to squint to read it, or buy the issue.  It’s full of good content, so worth the price.)

With each Grommet launch, we open up a community discussion board with the Grommet’s creator.  We recently had a very nasty comment that stopped me in my tracks.

It was posted by the self-described “An Angry American.”  He or she said:

There are so many products in THIS country that need to be recycled, that I cannot understand why you would not want to give jobs to the unemployed here…This disgusts me….

I do not wish you well with this venture….

This barbed comment was in response to our story about a young company that is recycling food and rice bags in Cambodia into durable and interesting bags.

TORRAIN, Recycled bags from Cambodia

We tend to get one of these “Made in USA” fan objections anytime we talk about an international product.  I don’t mind them–these are people expressing their values and they are normally respectfully delivered. (Here’s a good example in the discussion about a very popular Grommet, GripStics.)  But this Torrain bags comment was so unbalanced that it made me think more deeply about how we manage our discussion board, and to share some examples and lessons learned.

When one of these “tough” comments comes in, the team at Daily Grommet often waits with bated breath for our colleague Katherine Klinger to respond.  Why?  Because she is so skillful and continually surprising. In the case of answering “Angry American,”  Katherine wrote:

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you used your passion to start a product line that employs Americans? We’d be the first to want to hear about it! You’d be especially interested in Grommet stories such as American MoJo or Blue Moon Bottles.

Given our 800+ Grommet partners and 20 product categories, we have a difficult remit when we initiate a discussion. We cover stories about ground-breaking innovations ranging from mushroom growing kits, to alternative funerals, to feminine hygiene.  That’s practically asking for complexity, if not trouble.

The nature of any given website is going to be fairly predictive of its particular difficult dialogue.  If Daily Grommet only covered “sustainable/green” products, we would have activists in that space carefully watching us and contributing daily.  (And we do have a nice representation of those people everyday anyway.)

If we were a fashion site we would have people commenting more breezily about the Grommets, and probably just giving opinions rather than asking a lot of penetrating questions.

If we were a deal site, we would have community members monitoring pricing very carefully  This is exactly why you do not see open discussion boards on the deal sites (like Groupon, Fab.com, Gilt Groupe).  A CEO at one of the leading sites told me,

Yeah, we [deal sites] all pulled our discussion boards.  People just post complaints about the prices and share links about where to get things cheaper.  I’m amazed you guys [at Grommet] keep such a positive tone going every day.

I think we have such a positive tone because we are celebrating inspiring stories.  You might not groove on a given company or product, but it is hard to beat up on a Grommet creator for pursuing their passion. Yet the other reason for the tone of our discussion boards is skillful management by Katherine Klinger, who sets a high bar for all of us who contribute.

I asked Katherine how she approaches the more difficult cases.  She said,

I feel that we bring our commenters [Grommet creators] here as a special guest and as such try to stop conversations that are going down an unproductive road. We owe it to them to keep the conversation focused on their products and mission. If this were a discussion board with no special guest, I might instead explore what people think about some of these topics. When I write a reply, I try to not be defensive and I try not to give them any hooks to latch on to to come back with another similar post.

Katherine Klinger

Katherine Klinger, Wordsmith Extraordinaire--she could make the copy on a stop sign interesting!

I also asked Katherine which recent responses were particularly challenging for her or the team.  In the screen shot case below, we had a rare instance of a person on a vendetta against the Grommet creator.  The screen shot is hard to read, but basically we deployed the VERY rare nuclear option of deleting a community comment.  We hesitate to do that and always indicate that we have done so.  Generally we welcome negative comments as they might reflect some general concerns, and it is great to have a chance for us and our partners to address them.  But when a person just attacks another person for some matter outside of Daily Grommet, we don’t let it stand.  (It is our digital equivalent of “take it outside, kids.”)

Katherine also cited the difficult tenor of the conversation around Spirit Hoods, which are playful faux fur hats.  This story brought out the wrath of a couple of animal rights activists.  Complicating matters,one of our very loyal Grommet fans came back at the animal rights person a bit too zealously.  It would have gotten ugly quickly, if Katherine did not tip in. Here is the strand.

To try to summarize, here’s what works at Grommet in creating a productive discussion board:

  • Think “sideways” when a tough comment comes in.  Katherine is the master at looking at things differently, rather than frontally.  When we have a difficult email to write, we often consult her.  For instance, we like to check directly with a customer if we see an unusual order come in (like one for 20 pair of work overalls).  Katherine advised, “Don’t send an email asking if the order is a mistake.  Just thank the person for the order, while clearly calling out the order contents.  If it is a mistake they will be the first to tell us.”  (The 20 pair of work overalls were ordered by a drama teacher–they were costumes for a student play.)
  • If you are CEO or a senior leader in your company, pay close attention to the discussion board.  I personally read every comment every day.  I answer many.  These comments are not “optional” to me.  They tell me what people are thinking and feeling, and I can also help set a tone in how we respond by taking on some of the dialogue myself.  I make it clear that it is worth my time to do this, and it is highly valuable work for anyone in the company.
  • Know the difference between an ordinary negative comment and one that is going to lead to a death spiral.  Ordinary comments generally represent a criticism based on a different point of view, or a bad experience with the product or service.  NEVER delete those.  But comments that get personal, or are just an extended rant, need to be reigned in.  Make sure your posting guidelines are clear about that, as you do not want to create unique policy on the fly.
  • Understand the value of negative comments.  Studies have shown that negative comments mixed in with positive ones actually increase the purchase rate for products.  Why?  People trust what is on the discussion board better, as being unedited and true.  This trust can be extended to any kind of discussion board that lets negative comments stand.  And in the case of product reviews and comments, people may not be concerned with the negative aspects that are raised, in regards to their own use of the product.  They understand that no product is perfect for absolutely everyone.

The biggest piece of advice about discussion boards I could give is:  hire a Katherine!  When I read the comments at some of my favorite e-commerce sites I often see robotic responses to customer complaints.  These replies look like someone pressed the “send that canned [fill-in-the-blank] response” button.  It’s admittedly a very labor-intensive effort to manage a discussion board (and not everyone at Daily Grommet itself agrees with our emphasis on this!), but I would not initiate one if you are not prepared to follow through with it in a real and human way.

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